Wednesday, July 20, 2011

God, Your [Wo]Man and Your Relationship (Part I)

     A decade and half ago, I decided to get serious with God. I recognized that His standards weren't mine, I recognized that, were He to judge me according to His law, I wouldn't pass the test. So I asked Him through Christ Jesus to forgive me of my sins and give me another chance. Since then, I've been around the Christian block long enough to hear and see relationship disasters spread among my fellows Christians. Today my post will address those of us who are in a bad posture. What's a bad posture?
1- A bad posture is you in a relationship with a non-believer.
2- A bad posture is you already married to a non-believer.
3- A bad posture is you about to get marry but something is telling you "Don't do it!" or you're just not sure.
4- A bad posture is you fighting temptation.
     I'm not going to be the one to tell you to cut off your relationship with a non believer although that's what you should do. However, I understand that if you've already developed feelings for the guy/gal it becomes a very intricate situation. That said, if on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the strongest, your feelings are between 0-4, you can still be rescued. Confess and ask your Father in heaven to forgive you for stepping into the bad side, then cut off the relationship period.
     If your feelings are between [5-7], oh boy, you're screwed...almost. At this stage, you've already convinced yourself the gal/guy is the one for you. Nobody can't tell you otherwise, even a speaking donkey will not do it unless God himself steps off his throne to pay you a visit in your room, in the middle of the night, surrounded by a white bright light. Other than that, the only thing that will save you is one of the following:
- The guy/gal breaks up with you.
- You develop Alzheimer and you forget that you're in a bad relationship and eventually the guy/gal breaks up with you.
- You're accused of murder/theft/treachery..[add to the list] and the guy/gal realizes there's no more any future with you, and s/he breaks up with you.
- You die.
Your capacity to make the right decision will depend of the depth of your love for God and your willingness to obey Him. Other than that, you're screwed!
     If your feelings are between [8-10], the deal is closed. You're married and there's no going back. If you acknowledge that you're in the wrong for marrying the bad person, then there's still hope for you. All you have to do is to repent and ask for forgiveness to God or anybody else you may have hurt. If you're sincere, God will intervene in your favor. Will he punish you? Yes, he punished David the man after his own heart after he killed Uriah to marry his wife. The child that was born out of his union with Bathsheba died. But God restored him and gave him another child who he baptized "Jedidiah" meaning "greatly loved by God"* and who later became the greatest, most prosperous king the earth ever known**.

     So yes, God is good, God is forgiving, God is loving. However all of His goodness, forgiveness and lovingness is meaningless if you don't receive it along with His righteousness. The greatest and most important decision a man or woman will ever make in their life is the one to follow Him. The next greatest decision is the choice of a mate. Therefore, be wise and don't repeat the mistakes that some of us made, don't waste your time, don't waste your life. Better to be alone than to be in bad company. Warnings and grace always precede judgment [Perry Stone]. Receive this as a warning or extended grace [depending on your predicament] and save your life some headaches. As a man I greatly respect once said, when the devil can't set you up with flagrant sins [adultery, fornication, drugs,...etc.], he'll either distract you with stuffs you're not supposed to do or [when he's really scare of you] he'll make sure to send the wrong person in your life. Whatever the case, God in his Great love always forewarns us, and a man forewarned is a man forearmed. I'll stop here for now and will touch the two last points on the next post.

*  [2Sam12:24-25]
**[I King10:23-27]

Tresorly yours
Tresor De Beaute

Friday, July 8, 2011

Why Would A Christian Believer Knowingly Marry A Non-Believer?

     It's been 10 and half years that I've set my foot in this country. I was young [still am], ambitious [still am] and in love [no more] with a fella that had an unquenchable love for God. I couldn't dream of anyone better for me. But the relationship ran its course and we parted our ways as it often happens with LDR.
     My criteria for a serious contender stayed the same: Serious Christian, hard worker with an intellectual appetite on various issues, not just biblical, not just academia not just politic but a mixture of all the above and some more. Soon, I found out that I had to compromise on some of those criteria. Life in America proved not to be life in Africa. Two years later, after turning down a serious prospect because I wasn't ready for marriage at that very moment then, I was back on the market with my eyes open. I saw and conversed with all kinds of Christians.
     I remember Daniel (of course that's a fake name to protect his identity), tall, handsome, well groomed and White. We met within the walls of our church and never outside of them. The first turn off came when at every conversation he'd veer it towards sex. I would wonder, he can't even say let alone spell my last name and he's already talking about what?? The 2nd turn off equally gruesome as the first, was him telling me that his parents, who are pastors, would not approve of him being with dark skin woman. Did I mention that they were pastors? This is only instance among three where I had been the direct protagonist, which leads to my points below:
- The lack of serious Christian prospects: this point goes beyond not being able to catch the right cat. It often involves a brother/sister who is "engaged" to at least two sisters/brothers at the same time. He's interested in you but doesn't clearly reveal his intentions nor tells you that he has his eyes somewhere else on someone else. Many sisters/brothers have been victims of this kind of "Chrismance" (Christian romance).
- Disappointment with Christians: After one, two or three encounters with the above, disappointment and bitterness towards the brotherhood or sisterhood of the traveling Christian love sets territory in your heart. And it becomes an excuse to date outside the landmarks.
- Immigration papers: Now this is a touchy subject for many immigrants in this country. If it was legal and not seen as a crime to kill to get papers, many will be accused of murder today. Many come close to it though. I've heard stories of immigrants who came here already married under the laws of their originating countries, nevertheless married a citizen, stayed married for the amount of time needed for them to also have their citizenship or their green card the least, then divorced their citizen husband/wife, to finally [re]marry the person they truly love.
- Ignorance: Today in our churches, with the main emphasis carried on money, give give and give, many Christians are just ignorant of what their God requires from them when it comes to their marital life. Hence they follow their heart, make the best possible decision with the best available information. That's one form of ignorance. The other form is the well informed Christian who deliberately chooses to ignore their beliefs and/or go against what the Bible teaches on the subject, rationalizing their bad decisions.
     After an altercation with any of these "obstacles", no wonder many of us Christians Hard core believers found ourselves, to our own demise, unequally yoked. Whether you've reasoned your way into such a covenant or you were just ignorant and now you are wondering if you're screwed or living outside the will of God, depending of your heart disposition, the answer could be gloom or doom. And this will be the focus of the next post. For now, remember this: **"If anyone sins and does what is forbidden in any of the LORD’s commands, even though they do not know it, they are guilty and will be held responsible."

Let He who has ears hears or should I say let he who has eyes read

Tresorly Yours,
Tresor de Beaute

**Lev5:17 [NIV]

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