Friday, May 10, 2013

Did I Kill My Dad?

     My dad passed away on March 20th , 2013 at 1:30pm EST. Daddy had been sick with but days before his passing, two things happen:
- I became marveled at a passage in the Scriptures i had read many times in the past and the first thought that crossed my mind was "I need to fast for 7 days ... for i need this thing that the Lord has given to his people". I nonchalantly started fasting. In fact it was a fast to explore if I could make it the whole seven days.
- then some days later, I had a very disturbing dream. The meaning was more frightening than the images I had seen. From that day on a knot formed in my stomach that i couldn't shake off. The interpretation was unmistakable: Daddy will not make it. At first, I shared the dream with one person who interpreted the same as I did. But I shook it off thinking "No, it can't be!" But the knot in my stomach persisted and dad pain grew worse by the day. I knew the hour was to prayer, I shared the prayer subject with our prayer partners folks. I was up at night at 3 or 4 am calling trusted friends for time in prayer. Even after all that, the knot didn't dissolve.
     Lastly, I called back home to instruct my dad on how to make peace with God. My biggest concern was that he'd make it to heaven. Although I knew He couldn't answer me back because of his excruciating pain, I asked that they put his phone over his ear so he could listen to my voice. All I heard was groaning, moaning and growling. I prayed fervently that he'll believe my message and address God in his heart.
Many years ago, Daddy had stepped in faith and confessed the Lord Jesus as his Lord and Savior but I also know that the lack of teaching had been detrimental to his spiritual journey thus bringing him back to square one. I didn't want to leave anything to chance. Therefore, I wanted to make sure the act of salvation had been set in stone in his heart.
On the day he breathed his last breath, I was sitting at my desk with the same knot in my stomach. And I heard the Holy Spirit say "Call your dad and tell him you love him". I immediately placed the phone call, requested to speak to dad. The moaning at that point was replaced with a heavy breathing and all i could say was "Daddy, it shall be well"...and ten to twenty minutes later, I got a phone call telling me he was no longer with us.
Had I taken my seven day fast seriously, would the outcome be different? Had I say "Daddy, I love you" as the Holy had clearly instructed, would it have made a difference? Has my sluggishness in promptly obeying God cost me my dad?

     Since then, I've been asking God to show me where dad is, in His Presence or away of His Presence? In heaven or in hell? Finally today (4/23/2013) I had a glimpse. For the first time since he passed away, I dreamed of my dad. We were sitting on a couch and he didn't seem happy to have been brought back to life. Does that mean he's so much enjoying the Presence of my Lord Jesus? Could it be that the Holy Spirit decided to put a rest to my quest? Or does the sadness I saw in the dream mean daddy is sad where he is? I'm asking for more. For I believe, if my God could show me before hand that Daddy wouldn't make it here on earth, He sure can show me if he made there in heaven.

Tresorly Yours
Tresor De Beaute

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

My Pastor Doesn't Understand Why I Don't Want to "get involved" in His Church

     My Pastor doesn't understand why I don't want to "get involved" in his church. 95% of his messages has been geared towards trying to get me "connected". It's as if he had readied another sermon but as soon
as he spotted me in the audience, he would switch and get a swing at me.
     My love story with my church started four years ago (in April) when I landed (scratch that) drove in my city of opportunity. I googled it and decided to visit it. The first service reminded me of the church from my old city, so I decided to come back a 2nd time, then a 3rd, and so forth til now. When I joined it, I really wanted to get engaged in some area but was unable to for the majority of programs conflicted with my academic classes in the MBA program. Then, expansion birthed in my Pastor's heart and the congregation moved to the newly renovated Gymnasium, that's when God stepped in and clearly deployed His expansions plans. Some party got very interested in the church property and made so much of a good offer that it couldn't be turned down. There we were, moving again but this time from our old location to a new one, much further away from my residence. Now by this time, I couldn't even entertain the idea to commit myself to any religious activism. I had experienced such a move of and was conscience of the presence of God in my life that I couldn't afford to be just to be. But from now on, every step ought to count towards advancing the Kingdom, building and leaving a legacy for the next generation to come. Singing in the choir, going to 
the youth meeting and participating in sporadic religious busyness as I had done in the past was no longer an option, nor enough, nor a fulfillment to my calling, or should say our calling?
     I married a crazy in love with God  kind of guy. His assignment and eventually our assignment in the Kingdom is beyond what I could ever imagine for myself. As a mentor once told me, your dream should make you cry if not, then it's not big enough. This assignment which is a dream of ours, makes me cry. The consciousness of the heaviness of the task obliges us to plead before God day and night, for His grace, Wisdom and Science. It goes without say that, a God assignment requires God's tools in character, commitment and strategy. Such a partnership leaves no place for church logrolling even for His name's sake. I have learned early in my walk before Him that it's always best to obey Him by doing what He'd ask from you rather than try to please by doing what you think He likes.
Disclosure: I have nothing against church activity, I believe it's a necessary platform for many to clearly identify their God purpose. However, I must point out, every impacter at some point had taken time away from the public to produce, then came back to present their chef d'oeuvre, may it be the performer, the scientist or men/women of God, the process is idem. Except, in the latter's case, that isolation from the public, imparts them with a dual role, one of  a receiver and a giver. As you receive from God, you can give out. They are stripped from the perpetual role of a herd follower. In addition, a lot of people who produce the work of the Lord are rarely found in church. I know of a couple, wonderful, filled of the Spirit whose hearts are totally committed to the cause of the Kingdom. They were involved in their church until one day, led by the Spirit they stopped and started focusing solely on the increasing and persistent voice they've been hearing for some time.
Clarification: to stop church activities does mean to stop fellowship. Fellowship after all is one of the main pillars of spiritual growth as instituted by the Apostles [Acts 2:42] and sadly, most times church activities or attendance doesn't imply fellowship.
In any case, my Pastor still doesn't understand why I don't want to "get involved" in his church.

What's your reason not to get involved in your church?

Thursday, January 24, 2013

What Went Wrong? Find out N Make a U-Turn.

- Some years ago, during a casual conversation with a sister in Christ, she admitted that she was dating a  married guy whenever he would show up in town,  when he wasn't there, there was "nobody to even scratch her back." [end quote]

- Another sister in Christ, after sharing her marital woes with me, I asked her if her husband was a born-again christian? Her reply, he deceived me, i thought he was but found out later [after marrying him] he wasn't.

- "I have a very strong sexual appetite" confession of a christian believer when inquiring about rule participation at a swinger club.

- "Yes, I slept with her husband" another confession from a sister in Christ who was accused of adultery with her friend's husband while being married herself.

Such examples of drifting children of God are legion. They are not Pastors or Ministers of the Gospel but lay people who at one point in time where strong believers and even leaders in their community. What happened that the shift in their behavior makes them unrecognizable? What was the catalyzer?

Bill Johnson says that "No one is ever deceived except they first compromise." Opportunities to compromise always show up when we face a difficult situation and instead of trusting God's timing or God's promise, we take the matter into our own hands.
 - We want a husband, we want a wife, but there is no viable prospect, therefore we hang out with people we wouldn't and end up marrying people we shouldn't.
 - We want kids but there's no husband, therefore we settle to have at least our kids (the natural way).
 - We crave so much for more money that we conceive ill projects to overflow our wallet with cash like opening a subscription paying porn web site (an idea once suggested by a born again, water baptized believer. We laughed off the idea at the time. But a brief minute of reflection made wonder how we even got to that point.

Whatever the scenario, we end up finding ourselves in less than desirable situations, wondering if God still care,s or adjusting ourselves and trying to make the best out of them. One thing we must realize though, is that He is patiently waiting for our return to our first love, hanging on his arm is a robe he had prepared just for us, a robe of grace, a robe of mercy, a robe of celebration. He is waiting for us to get back into a co-laboring role where we would no longer take decisions on our own then invite Him to bless them, but instead welcome His input, and trust that His instructions and timing are the best for our lives. How do we do that? 

1- Repent. That was our Lord's first sermon over 2000 years ago and it is as relevant today as it was then: Repent, for the kingdom of God is at hand. God is still in the restoration business but his job can only begins when we decide to purchase his services.
2- Tell the Lord that you're willing to listen to Him, remind Him of his promise to change your heart and give you one that can keep his instructions and obey Him diligently*.

You may not identify yourself with any of the scenarios above but you're finding yourself in place where you've lost your connection to your heavenly Father and are longing to get it back.

Heavenly Father,
I'm so sorry for all the wrong I've done. I'm sorry for my rebellion against You. Please forgive me. Change my heart and give me one that can keep your precepts and delight in your Word. In Jesus' name I've prayed. Amen!

*[Ezech 36:26-27]

Tresorly Yours,
Tresor De Beaute.

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