Friday, May 10, 2013

Did I Kill My Dad?

     My dad passed away on March 20th , 2013 at 1:30pm EST. Daddy had been sick with but days before his passing, two things happen:
- I became marveled at a passage in the Scriptures i had read many times in the past and the first thought that crossed my mind was "I need to fast for 7 days ... for i need this thing that the Lord has given to his people". I nonchalantly started fasting. In fact it was a fast to explore if I could make it the whole seven days.
- then some days later, I had a very disturbing dream. The meaning was more frightening than the images I had seen. From that day on a knot formed in my stomach that i couldn't shake off. The interpretation was unmistakable: Daddy will not make it. At first, I shared the dream with one person who interpreted the same as I did. But I shook it off thinking "No, it can't be!" But the knot in my stomach persisted and dad pain grew worse by the day. I knew the hour was to prayer, I shared the prayer subject with our prayer partners folks. I was up at night at 3 or 4 am calling trusted friends for time in prayer. Even after all that, the knot didn't dissolve.
     Lastly, I called back home to instruct my dad on how to make peace with God. My biggest concern was that he'd make it to heaven. Although I knew He couldn't answer me back because of his excruciating pain, I asked that they put his phone over his ear so he could listen to my voice. All I heard was groaning, moaning and growling. I prayed fervently that he'll believe my message and address God in his heart.
Many years ago, Daddy had stepped in faith and confessed the Lord Jesus as his Lord and Savior but I also know that the lack of teaching had been detrimental to his spiritual journey thus bringing him back to square one. I didn't want to leave anything to chance. Therefore, I wanted to make sure the act of salvation had been set in stone in his heart.
On the day he breathed his last breath, I was sitting at my desk with the same knot in my stomach. And I heard the Holy Spirit say "Call your dad and tell him you love him". I immediately placed the phone call, requested to speak to dad. The moaning at that point was replaced with a heavy breathing and all i could say was "Daddy, it shall be well"...and ten to twenty minutes later, I got a phone call telling me he was no longer with us.
Had I taken my seven day fast seriously, would the outcome be different? Had I say "Daddy, I love you" as the Holy had clearly instructed, would it have made a difference? Has my sluggishness in promptly obeying God cost me my dad?

     Since then, I've been asking God to show me where dad is, in His Presence or away of His Presence? In heaven or in hell? Finally today (4/23/2013) I had a glimpse. For the first time since he passed away, I dreamed of my dad. We were sitting on a couch and he didn't seem happy to have been brought back to life. Does that mean he's so much enjoying the Presence of my Lord Jesus? Could it be that the Holy Spirit decided to put a rest to my quest? Or does the sadness I saw in the dream mean daddy is sad where he is? I'm asking for more. For I believe, if my God could show me before hand that Daddy wouldn't make it here on earth, He sure can show me if he made there in heaven.

Tresorly Yours
Tresor De Beaute

1 comment:

Jesusman Jesusman said...

one question: what is the passage that marveled you?
We may not know if you fasted things would have changed. However, we do know that there are people with death warrants passed whom God saved form dieing. One of such people was Hezekiah (I Kings 20:1-3; IS 38:2). However, others were already dead, but God raised them from the dead. Those I am sure you know. Yet, David's child was sick, he prayed and fasted for seven days, but God did not raise him up. (2 Sam 12:14-31). Therefore, we cannot really tell if God would have allowed your dad to live or die but he knows best what is best for each individual.

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