A Balanced Life: Good Food, Good Friends, Good Sex

     I went for my annual the other day and was surprised to see that I've gained 6 pounds since last year during my last visit. I still wear the same size of clothes and my diet has not changed much. This got me to think: what is that I've done differently? What changed? What were the factors?
     Looking back, I can easily connect the dots and answers these questions with no ambiguity. I got to see my whole family this year: dad, mom, sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, nephews, in-laws...everybody. One of the best occasions allowed me to gather with friends that I hadn't seen in over a decade.
     As for the food, like I mentioned earlier, my regimen has not changed much if at all. I don't drink, unless it's red wine much less than a full glass and during a special circumstance; i don't smoke, nor do drugs. However, one of the best foods I've been eating, it really surpasses my broiled fresh tilapia, is the Word of God. I've started this year with the challenge of reading the Bible in its entirety. So far, I've read the New Testament 3 times, still going through the OT, I'm re-reading the books of Solomon before attacking the prophets. One phenomenon I noticed is that, I just want more of God in my life, every aspect of it. For instance, not too long ago I had been struggling with unforgiveness, but every time I read the Gospels, I'm just confounded by Christ's love for us and I tell myself if He's been able to forgive me (and I had done worse to him), I sure can forgive my foes.
     Another instance, in the buying of a first house a specific criteria was an upper room that would be dedicated to prayer and/or spiritual retreat. This permanent consciousness of God constantly guides my path and the choices I make.
     Last but not least, sex!! Good Christians also have good sex. This is such a fascinating experience of all earthly beings that even the "sons of God"* wanted to partake in it. The French Current versions refers to those "sons of God" as  "the inhabitants of heavens." There is nothing more depressing or stressing than being married and not having sex. So, here it's how it goes. If you're married and love the Lord Jesus, you must have good sex. That's all.


Tresorly Yours,
Tresor de Beaute

*[Genesis6: 2,4]

It's Just Sex,...Everybody does that -- Rationalizing Our Sexual Behaviors

     I'm a grown [wo]man. I don't need permission... It's my body. It's not like I'm hurting anybody... I'm already getting old, I need to get pregnant before it's too late... We're getting married... Who needs a piece of paper to prove anything, it's all about the heart... It's not like I'm sleeping around... Everybody does that...
These are some of the excuses we often hear and use in order to engage in sexual encounters.
     Then, after we're done with the encounters, as Christians, we cover it all with "the blood of Christ", saying to ourselves and anybody who wants to hear us "After all, aren't we all saved by grace?..." "But where sin increased, grace increased all the more"* conveniently forgetting what follows next: "Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?" **. To make matters even worse, we top it with a "God looks at the heart. He knows my heart is in the right place...
     Whatever excuses we use to justify our behaviors whether is to have sex, having an affair or engage in very questionable demeanors, they don't fly with God. He himself has magnified his Word above his Name***. Which means that He holds Himself and everybody else to his Standards, to his Word. What He says, stays. He won't modify to satisfy our preferences and/or fairy tales.
In the same train of thoughts, His word also declares that "if we sin willfully after we have received the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, but a certain fearful expectation of judgment"****
     Let me break this down. If you do something evil and you know in your heart it's evil and/or it's not right, and/or your conscience repeatedly questions you...[Let me make a point here, to know that something is evil, you have to know what is good, to know that something is NOT right, you have to know what is right] and above all you claim to know Jesus Christ meaning you've received the knowledge of the truth as he said "I am the way, the TRUTH and the life..." but yet choose to do the evil thing, there won't be anymore grace to cover your "arse", just patiently wait for God's judgement. It may not come right away, but it will surely come.
     We no longer hear on our pulpits nowadays and I sure do wish we'll be judged by all the good stuffs that come from them, unfortunately it won't be the case. Besides during judgment day, our biggest regrets will not be over sins we had committed rather over all missed opportunities we had to rely on Him and chose not to.
     So what should we say? Are we screwed? No more love, no more grace? Of course not! He is LOVE!! However, the perfection of his love can only be manifested by the glory of his righteousness. We can't accept God's love and reject his righteousness. We can't choose one over the other.
     What should we do? Continuing the same behaviors? Keep using the same excuses? [after all it feels so good to gratify our flesh!] BY NO MEANS!! We must still repent and plead with God for deliverance for despite everything, He still remains in the business of total restoration full time.

This is enough food for thoughts. Stay tuned for part II.

Tresorly Yours,
Tresor De Beaute


* [Rom 5:20]
**[Rom6:1-2]
***[Ps138:2]
**** [Heb10:26-27]

God, Your [Wo]Man and Your Relationship (Part II)

3- A bad posture is you about to get marry but something is telling you "Don't do it!" or you're just not sure. Usually, in this scenario the person you're involved with may meet all your criteria, but for one reason or another, you're either not at peace with the decision to marry him/her or you're just encountering many obstacles. Friends, frenemies and enemies opposing your choice, Family members combating your partner, parents not totally on board with your decision. If you're in such a situation, it means you have 45000 French men fighting against you. And 45,000 French men can't be wrong. You might want to stop, retreat into a quiet time in a quiet place with The Lord and reconsider.
     I recently read a book by Perry Stone in which he shared a story about him being engaged to a fellow Christian female but every time people would see them together, they'd always make a comment in the sense that they (Perry and his fiancee) did not belong together. She wasn't a "bad" person as humanely defined, neither was he. But there was just this thing that wasn't clicking. They ended up breaking up the engagement and today Perry is wonderfully and happily married to his current wife Pam. Now, not all stories are drama free like Perry's. Many of us have received warnings against one or another individual that we were considering for our long time noce. But we usually presented a deaf ear and later reaped the consequences. I know of at least three different stories of people finding themselves in this predicament with disastrous endings. In one of those stories, the guy's family members were all against him marrying his fiancée who was from a different tribe. A little bit of background, both protagonists were saved and distinguished Christians in their communities. And although the girl's in-laws did not approve of her, they never interfere in her marriage. However, a strange thing happened. She cheated on her husband numerous times and over a long period of time, got pregnant from someone else, passed the child as her husband's, later the duplicity was discovered and she finally divorced him.
Again not all stories are as that tragic but they all leave emotional scars or sometimes incurable sentimental diseases because of one wrong choice we have made. There are many things we would NEVER had done, if we knew in advance the cost we would have incurred.

4- A bad posture is you fighting temptation. For this predicament, there's no other alternative than to flee even if you have to flee with half your clothes on. If you're a very proud person like me, think about this:
"You are slave to the one you obey"* . If you obey your flesh which leads you to sin, you're slave to sin. And if you don't like the idea, let alone the act, then walk away! Period.

*[Rom6:16] - NIV

Tresorly Yours
Tresor De Beaute

God, Your [Wo]Man and Your Relationship (Part I)

     A decade and half ago, I decided to get serious with God. I recognized that His standards weren't mine, I recognized that, were He to judge me according to His law, I wouldn't pass the test. So I asked Him through Christ Jesus to forgive me of my sins and give me another chance. Since then, I've been around the Christian block long enough to hear and see relationship disasters spread among my fellows Christians. Today my post will address those of us who are in a bad posture. What's a bad posture?
1- A bad posture is you in a relationship with a non-believer.
2- A bad posture is you already married to a non-believer.
3- A bad posture is you about to get marry but something is telling you "Don't do it!" or you're just not sure.
4- A bad posture is you fighting temptation.
     I'm not going to be the one to tell you to cut off your relationship with a non believer although that's what you should do. However, I understand that if you've already developed feelings for the guy/gal it becomes a very intricate situation. That said, if on a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the strongest, your feelings are between 0-4, you can still be rescued. Confess and ask your Father in heaven to forgive you for stepping into the bad side, then cut off the relationship period.
     If your feelings are between [5-7], oh boy, you're screwed...almost. At this stage, you've already convinced yourself the gal/guy is the one for you. Nobody can't tell you otherwise, even a speaking donkey will not do it unless God himself steps off his throne to pay you a visit in your room, in the middle of the night, surrounded by a white bright light. Other than that, the only thing that will save you is one of the following:
- The guy/gal breaks up with you.
- You develop Alzheimer and you forget that you're in a bad relationship and eventually the guy/gal breaks up with you.
- You're accused of murder/theft/treachery..[add to the list] and the guy/gal realizes there's no more any future with you, and s/he breaks up with you.
- You die.
Your capacity to make the right decision will depend of the depth of your love for God and your willingness to obey Him. Other than that, you're screwed!
     If your feelings are between [8-10], the deal is closed. You're married and there's no going back. If you acknowledge that you're in the wrong for marrying the bad person, then there's still hope for you. All you have to do is to repent and ask for forgiveness to God or anybody else you may have hurt. If you're sincere, God will intervene in your favor. Will he punish you? Yes, he punished David the man after his own heart after he killed Uriah to marry his wife. The child that was born out of his union with Bathsheba died. But God restored him and gave him another child who he baptized "Jedidiah" meaning "greatly loved by God"* and who later became the greatest, most prosperous king the earth ever known**.

     So yes, God is good, God is forgiving, God is loving. However all of His goodness, forgiveness and lovingness is meaningless if you don't receive it along with His righteousness. The greatest and most important decision a man or woman will ever make in their life is the one to follow Him. The next greatest decision is the choice of a mate. Therefore, be wise and don't repeat the mistakes that some of us made, don't waste your time, don't waste your life. Better to be alone than to be in bad company. Warnings and grace always precede judgment [Perry Stone]. Receive this as a warning or extended grace [depending on your predicament] and save your life some headaches. As a man I greatly respect once said, when the devil can't set you up with flagrant sins [adultery, fornication, drugs,...etc.], he'll either distract you with stuffs you're not supposed to do or [when he's really scare of you] he'll make sure to send the wrong person in your life. Whatever the case, God in his Great love always forewarns us, and a man forewarned is a man forearmed. I'll stop here for now and will touch the two last points on the next post.


*  [2Sam12:24-25]
**[I King10:23-27]

Tresorly yours
Tresor De Beaute

Why Would A Christian Believer Knowingly Marry A Non-Believer?

     It's been 10 and half years that I've set my foot in this country. I was young [still am], ambitious [still am] and in love [no more] with a fella that had an unquenchable love for God. I couldn't dream of anyone better for me. But the relationship ran its course and we parted our ways as it often happens with LDR.
     My criteria for a serious contender stayed the same: Serious Christian, hard worker with an intellectual appetite on various issues, not just biblical, not just academia not just politic but a mixture of all the above and some more. Soon, I found out that I had to compromise on some of those criteria. Life in America proved not to be life in Africa. Two years later, after turning down a serious prospect because I wasn't ready for marriage at that very moment then, I was back on the market with my eyes open. I saw and conversed with all kinds of Christians.
     I remember Daniel (of course that's a fake name to protect his identity), tall, handsome, well groomed and White. We met within the walls of our church and never outside of them. The first turn off came when at every conversation he'd veer it towards sex. I would wonder, he can't even say let alone spell my last name and he's already talking about what?? The 2nd turn off equally gruesome as the first, was him telling me that his parents, who are pastors, would not approve of him being with dark skin woman. Did I mention that they were pastors? This is only instance among three where I had been the direct protagonist, which leads to my points below:
- The lack of serious Christian prospects: this point goes beyond not being able to catch the right cat. It often involves a brother/sister who is "engaged" to at least two sisters/brothers at the same time. He's interested in you but doesn't clearly reveal his intentions nor tells you that he has his eyes somewhere else on someone else. Many sisters/brothers have been victims of this kind of "Chrismance" (Christian romance).
- Disappointment with Christians: After one, two or three encounters with the above, disappointment and bitterness towards the brotherhood or sisterhood of the traveling Christian love sets territory in your heart. And it becomes an excuse to date outside the landmarks.
- Immigration papers: Now this is a touchy subject for many immigrants in this country. If it was legal and not seen as a crime to kill to get papers, many will be accused of murder today. Many come close to it though. I've heard stories of immigrants who came here already married under the laws of their originating countries, nevertheless married a citizen, stayed married for the amount of time needed for them to also have their citizenship or their green card the least, then divorced their citizen husband/wife, to finally [re]marry the person they truly love.
- Ignorance: Today in our churches, with the main emphasis carried on money, give give and give, many Christians are just ignorant of what their God requires from them when it comes to their marital life. Hence they follow their heart, make the best possible decision with the best available information. That's one form of ignorance. The other form is the well informed Christian who deliberately chooses to ignore their beliefs and/or go against what the Bible teaches on the subject, rationalizing their bad decisions.
     After an altercation with any of these "obstacles", no wonder many of us Christians Hard core believers found ourselves, to our own demise, unequally yoked. Whether you've reasoned your way into such a covenant or you were just ignorant and now you are wondering if you're screwed or living outside the will of God, depending of your heart disposition, the answer could be gloom or doom. And this will be the focus of the next post. For now, remember this: **"If anyone sins and does what is forbidden in any of the LORD’s commands, even though they do not know it, they are guilty and will be held responsible."

Let He who has ears hears or should I say let he who has eyes read

Tresorly Yours,
Tresor de Beaute

**Lev5:17 [NIV]

Can The Difference of Religion Crash Your Relationship?

     Many practicing religious people have understood that a critical step towards a successful relationship is to have a partner with the same religious beliefs. That's why many practicing Muslims will not marry someone who is not a Muslim unless they convert to Islam, idem for Jews, Buddhist or Hindus but not so much for Christians.
     Hence, we've seen the birth of many "unequally yoked" marriages with the big majority going up in flames.
Disclosure: This post is not going to be some theological discourse with the goal to convince you not to date this non-believer or that spiritual but non-church going person. I'll just take a few minutes of your time to make some empirical statements.
      It had been an on and off relationship over a span of 3 years. We both knew where each of us stood on the religious domain. I was [still am] a hand clapping, tongue speaking, church going believer and him a non-practicing, catholic raised, non-church going unbeliever. Typical Sunday mornings schedule were spent with me driving off to church and him having a "service" with Tim Russert [R.I.P] or entertaining himself with The Sopranos on Netflix.
     Religion or God would barely make our conversation list, not because we were afraid to discuss it rather we had a silent, polite understanding "You don't mess with my God" and I won't mess with you non-church going "arse" and we never stepped on each toes, that was the agreement period.
     As long as the agreement was respected the peace-o-meter would measure the peace within the relationship to a 6 or 7 on a scale of 1 to 10 with 10 being the highest satisfactory level. The disrupting peace factors could range from banal subjects like complaining about his missing scarf to non-hackneyed subjects like me accusing him [rightfully so] not to keep his word, with all these shenanigans, NEVER had religion carried the winning cup for disturbing the peace. However reality displayed a whole different scenario: although quarrels were medium rare, each of them consistently would leave the pernicious taste of rotten food. And what do you do with rotten food? You throw it in the garbage and that's where the relationship finally ended.
     After each altercation, I would always wonder about the root cause of the heinous words. It took a couple of years during a conversation with a man of God, for me to understand that, it's the difference in the essence of the Spirit that animates the believer and the non-believer that can create violent clashes. It is the spirit inside the non-believer, at times unbeknownst to the latter, hating anything that comes from the Light of Jesus, that will stir disputes and animosity. That's often why small missteps, unnoticeable peccadilloes could easily turn into unstoppable, unsurmountable, rains of repellent and venomous exchanges [between you the believer and your non-believing partner], dangerously flirting with the point of no return. And 9 out 10 those "mixed" relationships reached that point.
     So I guess the question is: Should a [serious] convinced and converted Christian-believer marry a non-Christian? Paul urges us to get married to avoid sexual immorality but it must be with a brother/sister who belongs to the Lord*. If you're already married to a non-believer, as long as the non-believer is willing to live with you, you must remain married to him or her period. Nevertheless, having a [serious] convinced and converted Christian-believer like yourself as a spouse, annihilates 50% of the battles, struggles and roadblocks you'll encounter in your relationship. Marriage, like sex is a divine concept that to succeed, must be honored by following the divine precepts ordained from God Almighty through Christ Jesus.
     This is no new teaching nor heresy but not everybody can accept or believe it. Some do accept but make different choices. Thus prompting the question What would induce a non-Christian to marry a Christian? That will be the highlight of the next post. For now, let's remember this: "People don't do what they believe in, they just do what's most convenient and then they repent" [Bob Dylan]

He who has an ear, let him hear or should I say He who has eyes, let him read?

*[1Cor7:39~NIV]

Tresor De Beaute

Got Hurt? Don't Rebound (Part II)

     The ultimate goal of the Non-Rebounding-period is to get ready for a successful relationship
.
SUCCESSFUL relationship,SUCCESSFUL relationship, SUCCESSFUL relationship.

Therefore it is very important to manage this period with a lot of care and precaution.
After all the crying, the cussing and the wondering are done, you'll get into, irrespective of your will, a reassessing state of mind where you'll be constantly playing back the film of the inglorious bastard or "bastardista" who has dared to hurt you. Although you'll be tempted to rerun different scenarios in your head, try not to and instead focus on determining the root cause of the crash. Why has s/he cheated? What led him/her to that? Bad financial habits? Inappropriate phone calls? Inappropriate requests? Flawed foundation in the relationship? (I will expand on this topic in a different post), for now remember this: "An inappropriate request reveals an inappropriate person" (Dr. Mike Murdock). Get to the root cause of the damages, do NOT excuse any of his/her behavior.
     Then answer this question honestly: what part did you play in the fall out of your relationship? Did you close an eye on "little" things that were going on? Did you bury your head in the sand and thought it would go away? Did you cheat either in this or a past relationship and now karma has caught up with you? As a christian did you infringe any covenant law? In other words, have you had sex before marriage or maybe you you thought it was ok since you were planning on getting married? It is capital that you answer those question with a sincere heart and write down your answer if you can.

     Finally, review them with your board of trustees, the people who keep you accountable and who will not hesitate to reprimand you [in love] when you're [in the] wrong. In reviewing with them, confess, repent and ask for forgiveness to God first then to whom appropriate starting with yourself. Forgive yourself for being stupid enough to trust him/her, forgive yourself for making bad choices because of him/her, forgive yourself for setting yourself up for failure. Forgive, forgive and forgive.

     I remember when I went through my "1929 GREAT emotional crisis". My trustees were there for me, telling me I had to let go and forgive, praying for and with me. I didn't want to hear anything about forgiveness, although I knew it was the sine qua non condition for total and complete restoration. But then, God in his almighty love started to move within me, reminding of my peccadilloes that were disqualifying me of his mercy, reminding of how much in LOVE He was still with me and that He has not given up on me.  I felt so convicted that I knew I had no choice than to truly, really, verily forgive myself for not trusting God with my choices, then my offenders. It took a long time, but I eventually got there. I can't describe the feeling of relief I had. One has to go through and experience it to understand.