Friday, June 17, 2011

Got Hurt? Don't Rebound (Part II)

     The ultimate goal of the Non-Rebounding-period is to get ready for a successful relationship
SUCCESSFUL relationship,SUCCESSFUL relationship, SUCCESSFUL relationship.

Therefore it is very important to manage this period with a lot of care and precaution.
After all the crying, the cussing and the wondering are done, you'll get into, irrespective of your will, a reassessing state of mind where you'll be constantly playing back the film of the inglorious bastard or "bastardista" who has dared to hurt you. Although you'll be tempted to rerun different scenarios in your head, try not to and instead focus on determining the root cause of the crash. Why has s/he cheated? What led him/her to that? Bad financial habits? Inappropriate phone calls? Inappropriate requests? Flawed foundation in the relationship? (I will expand on this topic in a different post), for now remember this: "An inappropriate request reveals an inappropriate person" (Dr. Mike Murdock). Get to the root cause of the damages, do NOT excuse any of his/her behavior.
     Then answer this question honestly: what part did you play in the fall out of your relationship? Did you close an eye on "little" things that were going on? Did you bury your head in the sand and thought it would go away? Did you cheat either in this or a past relationship and now karma has caught up with you? As a christian did you infringe any covenant law? In other words, have you had sex before marriage or maybe you you thought it was ok since you were planning on getting married? It is capital that you answer those question with a sincere heart and write down your answer if you can.
     Finally, review them with your board of trustees, the people who keep you accountable and who will not hesitate to reprimand you [in love] when you're [in the] wrong. In reviewing with them, confess, repent and ask for forgiveness to God first then to whom appropriate starting with yourself. Forgive yourself for being stupid enough to trust him/her, forgive yourself for making bad choices because of him/her, forgive yourself for setting yourself up for failure. Forgive, forgive and forgive.
     I remember when I went through my "1929 GREAT emotional crisis". My trustees were there for me, telling me I had to let go and forgive, praying for and with me. I didn't want to hear anything about forgiveness, although I knew it was the sine qua non condition for total and complete restoration. But then, God in his almighty love started to move within me, reminding of my peccadilloes that were disqualifying me of his mercy, reminding of how much in LOVE He was still with me and that He has not given up on me.  I felt so convicted that I knew I had no choice than to truly, really, verily forgive myself for not trusting God with my choices, then my offenders. It took a long time, but I eventually got there. I can't describe the feeling of relief I had. One has to go through and experience it to understand.

No comments:

Tweet Me