Monday, May 24, 2010

In Search of the One

      I will not pretend to detain the keys of wisdom on how to recognize the perfect one for you. One thing that I know for sure is that, the minute you lower your fundamental/core values in the name of "I can change him/her" or "nobody is perfect", you'll start the slow and painful death of your inner (wo)man, thus engaging yourself on the devastating road of unhappiness. Ladies, if a guy tells you "I'm not good for you" or "I'm a piece of garbage", don't say to yourself "awww..., how cute he is...", pick up your stuffs, wish him well and turn your heels in the opposite direction because he truly means it. He can say that confidently about himself because he's known himself better and longer than you did in the one month since you've met. Don't play God by trying to save him from himself. YOU CAN'T CHANGE HIM/HER.
     Before I get ahead of myself, let's tackle this question: "Who is the one?"
The one is that person whose qualities you laud every time you have an opportunity in public or in private, and whose weakness you acknowledge and help him/her improve.
The one is that person, you can see yourself as a woman being submissive to and as a man loving her to the point you can give your life for her.
The one is that person who cares about your welfare physically, mentally, intellectually, spiritually.
The one is that person whom you ask yourself: "How can I make him/her happy?"
The one is that person whose name puts a smile on your face when you see it displayed on your caller id.
The one is that person you can no longer imagine living your life without.
     Here is a mistake that most us make. We define the one by what s/he has instead of who s/he is. I remember a conversation I had w/ a friend and the list was like "must have at least a house...must make at least $75k/yr...must drive this kind of car...must possess this...must possess that..." Now my question is what if the person loses all that,  then what happens?
     True story: the first time he laid his eyes on her was at a party, he flashed, worked the ranks to win her. He flooded her closet with shoes, clothes and perfumes, filled her empty time with trips, loaded her wallet with cash. About 6 or so months into the relationship, her car got totaled in a crash, he took a loan in his name and bought her a new one, newer than his own. He left school to work more to help her pay for hers. She brought him to church, he loved God and loved her even more. Less than a year later, they were married, even had a child, then stress from life started piling on. Perfumes, clothes and shoes were getting scarce, car got repossessed, income had decreased, frustration and complaints had raised. Next, she had turned her back on him, crushed him by sleeping around, robbed him from his dignity.
     It is clear from the story above that we must review our priorities, do a self exam to diagnose who we are before we can get who we need. As I heard someone said, if you have a car issue, who do you go to? To the manufacturer right? If you have a laptop issue, who do you go to? The manufacturer right? At work when our app doesn't perform the way it's supposed, who do you turn to? The Developer Engineeer!! So if you have a person issue or "the one" issue, who should you go to? Yes, that's right, The Maker. Turn to the One who knows you well, inside out, The One who can read you even when nobody can figure you out. Some believe is Nobody, I believe is Somebody, Others believe is MOther Earth, I believe is Father God. Who do you believe it is?
     Therefore, as stated earlier, one thing you need to establish is a list of your own values that you would like to see in your mate and a list of your deal breakers. The latter should be easier, you must reduce it to a list of things you can't compromise on:  is s/he a drug addict? Is he an abuser? (physically, mentally, emotionally) Character wise: Is s/he loyal? Does s/he turn her/his back when things go south? If yes, Cut him/her loose b4 you say I do. What family values does s/he have? Does s/he despise your family members, doesn't show them respect? If yes, cut him/her loose before saying I do...The list can go on. The goal is to determine all those things that you can't stand, things that are undebatable on your territory.
     These are just guidelines, experts have studied and written about this matter for years, Bookstores have huge sections dedicated to the topic. However, the best teacher is experience. So, don't be a fool and repeat mistakes that others have already made. Learn from your own and learn from others, as the French say "A man forewarned is a man forearmed".
In the search of the one, trust your guts and trust your God.

Stay tuned, stay blessed, stay beautiful
Tresor de Beaute

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

Sigh!! Depressed??? Keep looking for that LOL!!!!

Tresor De Beaute said...

Don't settle for less
Give yourself the the best
I trust my God has the Zest
Tried on my own got myself in a mess
Same techniques same results
but I'm not a fool
so I've decided to look up to the BEST

Anonymous said...

Maybe you are the problem! Seen many a girls from your extraction they end being single for life here in this wonderful land of U.S.A Sorry is a fact and reality LOL. You seem very defensive from reading across the blog and very suspicious. Too much mistrust. This will get you no where! I sense a degree of haughtiness and pride. Settle for less or lower the bar and see what will happen. Peace!!!

Anonymous said...

Sorry Tresor, I just read this last post by anonymous, and I have to disagree with the writer..... I have read through your blogs as well, and I have never gotten a sense of haughtiness from you! Anonymous sounds like a disgruntled suitor, who must have failed to make an impression on you!

We are all "in search of the one", at every point in our lives for different reasons.... I have had very similar experiences as you have, and I am still searching as well. Don't let mean spirited people such as anonymous above me here bring you down. Don't lower the bar, don't settle for less!!

MG

Tresor De Beaute said...

Thx MG!! I wish you to find "the one".

Prince Hamilton said...

So you did not say thanks to anonymous because he did nto say what you liked. Come on! The guy is just voicing his opinion.
However, tell anonymous he will nto need to give you the advice since you don't need it. Hahahahahahaha.

Tresor De Beaute said...

Respond to the fool according to his own foolishness...
Don't respond to the fool according to his own foolishness so he may not think...

Anonymous said...

Very sad that you reacted that way to Hamilton post. Hope you will find that "famous one soon".

Anonymous said...

hello hello , i found the one!!!!Tresor tu as attaque les abeilles sister, mais de rien c,est ainsi qu,on reconnais les aeuvres engagees.

Me T

Irki said...

To keep my promise:
"If my love can not drive you to be perfect, you're not the one."

Tresor De Beaute said...

@ Me T, congratson finding the one for it's not good for a man to be alone n whoever found a wife has the Lord blessings.
@ Irki, in this context, like beauty , perfection is in the eyes of the beholder.

Irki said...

Yes indeed Tresor, "perfection is in the eyes of the beholder." and that's only what matter, that "the one" looks perfect to us. Each one of us then has its own understanding of perfection but what actually matter in my statement is the "drive", the constant desire toward perfection ; that's the journey not...

Anonymous said...

Call me a fool, but fools too have their stories. Lower the bar settle for less! See, hubris smacks your response. Sad indeed! You must be humble and take a look into your inner self and God will bring you closer. Only then will you find the one! Matter-of-factly you must be true to yourself before that is accomplished otherwise your relationships will always run on the same patched up lines. Purify your soul, cleansing it from that Mistrust which has skewed your view and rational thinking. Call me a fool ms. Blog hostess and you Anonymous as you labelled me a "suitor who failed to make an impresion". I don't impress people because I am genuine plus I am happily engaged hehehehehe. The secret, we compromised on our weaknesses. So that is the Fool's story. Drench yourself with Hubristic tendencies and you will remain single for life as the clock goes tic-tok-tic-tok-tic tok as the beauty slowly withers like rose in the Arabian desert lol They hubris grows exponentially in the soul hahahahahah
Peace!!! Just a rebuttal don't be mad I am just being real.

Tresor De Beaute said...

@Anonymous, Congrats on finding the one for you. As you are "happily engaged", I wish you to get and stay happily married.

Tweet Me