Monday, December 7, 2009

Here or There?

I've been speaking lately w/ some fellow Cameroonians. Good friends that I've known for a while and some that I've never laid my eyes on. Got a few friends like that, we've been talking for over half a decade, sent each other virtual congratulations or thank you notes or sorry messages. Anyway I'm getting beside the point here. Our discussion was about finding the "one", should we look among ourselves or should we go back home? One of them was for looking among ourselves because it could be risky to go home and get someone. He had some stories to support his arguments. Apparently there was this brother who, by desperation went back home in Cameroon to marry. A few months after he had brought his wifey here, they got into an argument and next thing we know the wife started talking about divorce saying to herself that she could do better (meaning she could get a better man). Another one told me of a story of another brother who did the same thing, went back home to get wife. Wife got here, the time to get her stuffs together so she could start going to school and work, she met a fellow brother from the same village as her. They would meet and talk and meet and talk until she became his wife instead. The brother who had brought her here, is rotting in prison now for assaulting the guy who took his wife.
The other friend was for going back home and get a wife there, said he has looked around himself and realized that most coupled that are in the community got their spouses back home and things seemed to be working out just fine. Even if they have their little shenanigans, it stays between them, nobody in the community knows anything. To each example he was giving I was able to pinpoint a drawback albeit I had to admit that he had made a good observation. In our little Cameroonian community I knew of two couples (or should I say one and half?) that had met here, got married and are still together. The first couple both are Cameroonians, the second, the wife is from Cameroon and the husband is from a different African country.
A friend back home was surprised that the diaspora (both genders) would call and ask to look for a wife or husband for them and said "why don't you guys get married amongst yourselves?"
The complaint I've often heard about the sisters is that the brothers are not serious, they just want to "cut the grass" and leave. The brothers on the other hand complain about the sisters' "Evolution", in other words they're too europeanized. One thing I would like to say in our defense, especially for us sisters that have left home very young to come to this land of opportunities, is this: A lot of us have left the niche of our families back home early in age to go study abroad and most of us were half baked. Our personality was still in the works and along the process we picked up a little of here and there and became a generation of young people who at times, feel lost within the realm of the culture we've tried so hard to embrace to some degrees and even more lost within the one we've left behind. We try the best we can, we make do with what we have and with whom we've become. We expect our husbands to take care of us, to do their share of chores, to open the door when we go out, we've become Camericains or must I say Afrimericans.
Anyway, all of this got me to think, how many Cameroonian sisters have gone back home to marry then brought their husband here? I didn't know of any but i chatted with my BFF Prince Hamilton aka bro, and according him the ratio of success of sisters who went back home to marry and brought their hubby here is largely higher than the one of brothers who did the same thing. Their husbands stayed and they are happy.
Having discussed this particular subject with my single friends and asking them why they wouldn't consider such an option, their reasons vary and go from the brothers wouldn't understand our lifestyle here, they may just use us to come here and then leave us to it requires so much sacrifice to get them here, prep them to the pace of life here...etc. Those reasons are so deep rooted to their mind that some of them decided to get married to their job and to cuddle at night with their teddy bear and a glass of wine.
And this is to all my singles very accomplished friends, let's not lose courage. We got where we are working our behind off to reach this level, we're happier than before when we were going through hardship. Why can't we consider doing the same thing to reach a higher happiness? If it requires to go back and grab that good cassava and bring him here, why not? After all happiness comes with a price, how much are we willing to pay?

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