Starting Over? Start From Scratch: 2 Easy Steps to Total Self-Rediscovery

As I have officially celebrated my 30-1 th birthday, many things can describe my state of mind, spirit and soul.  It's funny how thoughts of joy, happiness, peace, love and hope are sometimes difficult to translate into words. Just imagine yourself bursting into genuine laugh, no worries, no sorrow, no bad feelings (guilt, shame, revenge, unforgiveness, shadenfreude...etc), no crying, just laughing and smiling and dancing, hopeful anticipation, gratefulness. Food on your table, table in your kitchen, kitchen in your home, bills paid, paid with money, money in your bank account. Free time, time to travel, time to see friends and family [home or overseas], time to enjoy life at its fullest, time to count your blessings, blessings from God, God in your heart, heart in your God,WOW!! Indescribable the feelings you have when you know you're living the life you're supposed to live. That's the results of starting over, starting from scratch.
     This year has been simply amazing. It took a while before I reached this point though. Time to go through some reckless decisions, reaping the consequences, then time to entertain some powerful emotional disturbances, reaping the consequences and finally time to get rid of them. I was "lucky", I didn't reach rock bottom: abandoned with a child to raise, drugs abused, sex addiction, nowhere to go,...nothing as dramatic. However I reached a point where I just told myself: "Enough is enough, I'm out!"
     This deepest determination was a strong driving force to propel me back into reality, reality according to the standards I had set for myself and that unfortunately I had deviated from. I remembered where and how the downfall started. I mentioned in one of my previous post that anytime you settle for something or someone that or who goes against your core beliefs, disaster naturally follows [literally]. Once I had acknowledged that and taken actions to reclaim who I was/I am, morphism began. You adopt a different attitude when you realize you're "walking in your destiny" with the assurance and the demonstration that you have God's favor resting on you.

If you haven't laughed at this post's title, then try this link for a genuine outburst.

Peace and Love
Stay blessed, Stay tuned, Stay Beautiful


Tresor De Beaute

Week of Awesomeness

This is my week of awesomeness. A week during which I will laud all the key people who have chosen me as the recipient of their kindness, love and interest manifested in many ways.

To all my dear readers,
Friends and non-friends
Close or apart
For reading me and sending me kudos
for judging or not judging
for commenting or not
You're awesome!

You tolerated me even when I couldn't tolerate myself
You're awesome!
You taught me about forgiveness
I must admit I was impressed
Given you didn't know the best
Hence getting me out of my mess
You're awesome!
A million kisses to you I blow
An angel in disguise that I know
With you by me I grow
You're awesome!
You prayed with and for me
Even though I didn't feel like praying for me
You encouraged me
You counseled me
You're awesome!
When the least I would've expected
From you a gift unsuspected
You're awesome!
After a long extenuating day at work
I get home to see that you've cooked
You're awesome!
Out of your busy schedule
Overseas or at home
You take time to phone me
And to listen to me
You stand by me loyally
You're awesome!
I wasn't sure how long I would stay
You opened me the doors of your home
You welcomed me and gave me my space
You're awesome!
I stumbled and fell
The darkness out of me you expelled
You stretched out your arm
Bent over to reach out to mine
I saw your sunshine
And close to you I was drawn
You swiped away all my tears
And rid me of all my fears
Today confidently I stand
Knowing I have for guide your hand
Living the life I'm destined
Renewed, redeemed and pristine
To you I owe all that I am
YOU'RE AWESOME!!

stay tuned, stay blessed, stay AWESOME!!
Tresor de Beaute

Ps: You can follow me @ http://twitter.com/TresorDeBeaute

Strong Women ==> Strong Nation

     I woke up this morning with my inbox full of  news alerts from yesterday senatorial and gubernatorial primaries:
- Sen. Blanche Lincoln wins the Democratic Senate primary in Arkansas, prevailing over Lt. Gov. Bill Halter
Meg Whitman, the former chief executive of eBay, has won the Republican gubernatorial primary in California. She will face Attorney General Jerry Brown.
- Carly Fiorina, the former chief executive of Hewlett-Packard, has won the Republican Senate primary in California. She will face Sen. Barbara Boxer, who won Tuesday's Democratic primary, in November.
- Former state assemblywoman Sharron Angle has won the Republican Senate primary in Nevada, She will face Senate Majority Leader Harry M. Reid, who won Tuesday's Democratic primary, in November.
     I got to admit this, I was very pleased with the results and I'm hoping the finals will reflect the same following trend: More and more women are in leadership positions in various fields that were once dominated by our male counterpart. Unfortunately, if there's one thing that the last presidential primaries taught us, the general population is not yet ready for a female leader. After all at the Senate level only, there have been 38 women in the United States holding that position since the establishment of that body in 1789. Women were first elected in number in 1922. Today, 17 of the 100 U.S. Senators are women. Thirteen of the women who have served were appointed; seven of those were appointed to succeed their deceased husbands.
At the State Government level, thirty-two women have served or are serving as the governor of a U.S. state
The first female governor was Nellie Tayloe Ross of Wyoming (which just so happened to be the first ever part of the US to have woman suffrage) who was elected on November 4, 1924 and sworn in on January 5, 1925. She was preceded in office by her late husband William B. Ross. The first female governor elected without being the wife or widow of a past state governor was Ella T. Grasso of Connecticut, elected in 1974 and sworn in on January 8, 1975. (Wikipedia, 2010)
     Top leadership female invasion is slow but certain. Having a veejay-jay does not amputate our left synapse.

A couple of weekends ago, I had the pleasure to watch one of my friends getting acknowledge for the completion of the hard labor she has put into her research, thus crowning her success with a Ph.D. in Biophysics: CONGRATS to Dr. A.N.!!, you're an example and model to many of us.
     I remember the day Carly Fiorina got "lynched" from HP, there was mourning in the feminist community as Carly was the most powerful women in business during that era. However, she did not let the 2005 missteps determine her future, on the contrary she redefined herself and is emerging today as a very strong candidate for the Senate seat in the state of California. It happens to the best of us--women --to make mistake, to make the wrong choices, to put the wrong priorities on top of the list, nevertheless, we're not blockheads, instead shrewd, intelligent and very capable beings. So what is it that you'd like to achieve? Improve your English proficiency? What about cutting down your soap opera time and pick up a book or a kindle [wink wink..]? Get that bachelor degree? What about getting enrolled in a school and start at least with one class at a time? Get your own business? What about quitting talking about it and just doing it? Don't let that knucklehead of significant other put you down, besides if he can't help you pursue your dreams, then he probably ain't good for you. Don't let those bad companions talk you out of it. Don't let that little cash trap hold you up, rather roll up your sleeves and keep on pressing. Are you in a place where you feel complaisant? Then it's time to re-orient and re-focus, set up a new goal, what about giving back to your community? Volunteer somewhere, mentor someone, give a hand to another. After all there is no greater pleasure than satisfaction when giving out rather than always receiving.

Stay Tuned, Stay Bold, Stay Beautiful
Tresor De Beaute

In Search of the One

      I will not pretend to detain the keys of wisdom on how to recognize the perfect one for you. One thing that I know for sure is that, the minute you lower your fundamental/core values in the name of "I can change him/her" or "nobody is perfect", you'll start the slow and painful death of your inner (wo)man, thus engaging yourself on the devastating road of unhappiness. Ladies, if a guy tells you "I'm not good for you" or "I'm a piece of garbage", don't say to yourself "awww..., how cute he is...", pick up your stuffs, wish him well and turn your heels in the opposite direction because he truly means it. He can say that confidently about himself because he's known himself better and longer than you did in the one month since you've met. Don't play God by trying to save him from himself. YOU CAN'T CHANGE HIM/HER.
     Before I get ahead of myself, let's tackle this question: "Who is the one?"
The one is that person whose qualities you laud every time you have an opportunity in public or in private, and whose weakness you acknowledge and help him/her improve.
The one is that person, you can see yourself as a woman being submissive to and as a man loving her to the point you can give your life for her.
The one is that person who cares about your welfare physically, mentally, intellectually, spiritually.
The one is that person whom you ask yourself: "How can I make him/her happy?"
The one is that person whose name puts a smile on your face when you see it displayed on your caller id.
The one is that person you can no longer imagine living your life without.
     Here is a mistake that most us make. We define the one by what s/he has instead of who s/he is. I remember a conversation I had w/ a friend and the list was like "must have at least a house...must make at least $75k/yr...must drive this kind of car...must possess this...must possess that..." Now my question is what if the person loses all that,  then what happens?
     True story: the first time he laid his eyes on her was at a party, he flashed, worked the ranks to win her. He flooded her closet with shoes, clothes and perfumes, filled her empty time with trips, loaded her wallet with cash. About 6 or so months into the relationship, her car got totaled in a crash, he took a loan in his name and bought her a new one, newer than his own. He left school to work more to help her pay for hers. She brought him to church, he loved God and loved her even more. Less than a year later, they were married, even had a child, then stress from life started piling on. Perfumes, clothes and shoes were getting scarce, car got repossessed, income had decreased, frustration and complaints had raised. Next, she had turned her back on him, crushed him by sleeping around, robbed him from his dignity.
     It is clear from the story above that we must review our priorities, do a self exam to diagnose who we are before we can get who we need. As I heard someone said, if you have a car issue, who do you go to? To the manufacturer right? If you have a laptop issue, who do you go to? The manufacturer right? At work when our app doesn't perform the way it's supposed, who do you turn to? The Developer Engineeer!! So if you have a person issue or "the one" issue, who should you go to? Yes, that's right, The Maker. Turn to the One who knows you well, inside out, The One who can read you even when nobody can figure you out. Some believe is Nobody, I believe is Somebody, Others believe is MOther Earth, I believe is Father God. Who do you believe it is?
     Therefore, as stated earlier, one thing you need to establish is a list of your own values that you would like to see in your mate and a list of your deal breakers. The latter should be easier, you must reduce it to a list of things you can't compromise on:  is s/he a drug addict? Is he an abuser? (physically, mentally, emotionally) Character wise: Is s/he loyal? Does s/he turn her/his back when things go south? If yes, Cut him/her loose b4 you say I do. What family values does s/he have? Does s/he despise your family members, doesn't show them respect? If yes, cut him/her loose before saying I do...The list can go on. The goal is to determine all those things that you can't stand, things that are undebatable on your territory.
     These are just guidelines, experts have studied and written about this matter for years, Bookstores have huge sections dedicated to the topic. However, the best teacher is experience. So, don't be a fool and repeat mistakes that others have already made. Learn from your own and learn from others, as the French say "A man forewarned is a man forearmed".
In the search of the one, trust your guts and trust your God.

Stay tuned, stay blessed, stay beautiful
Tresor de Beaute

What Would It Take For Us To Get It Right?

         I think God has a soft spot for women. He promised a child to Sarah in her old age, she laughed; He did nothing and still gave her the child. He promised a child to Zacharias in his old age, he laughed; He made him mute for about 9 months till the child was born. He also gave women the ability to smell a bad relationship at a distance. That ability is called intuition. Unfortunately our capability to ignore that hunch is way higher than to just follow it. Boy, would we avoid some unnecessary heartbreaks if could just be a little less stubborn. To illustrate my point, here are snippets of true stories:
     They've been long time friends, liked each other but never got involved until about adulthood. She was in bad shape, had just gotten out of a committed nightmarish misery, he was a good listener, a confident and a comforter to her. They made promises to each other, six months into the relationship she changed her mind, she wanted to date longer and postpone marriage. They got into long arguments, broke up at least twice [Now, let me say sthg about break ups, 95% of the time when you break up, it's because you've reached a dealbreaker point and when or if you decide to put the pieces back together, whatever caused the 1st breakup will not go away.], got back together to finally an totally break up again.
     They met through a family member, she was involved in a serious relationship and so was he. Two years later, they were both unattached, decided to get involved. Every time they were together, she had a hunch that something wasn't right, consequently she wasn't feeling free with him although she kept reassuring herself that she liked him, after all he seemed better and more promising than the other ones. Then one day as they were spending some quality time, his door bell rang with insistence and it was his ex-girlfriend. To her dismay, he announced her point blank that he had decided to get back with the ex.
     They met online, quickly got into sweet and kinky talks, calling each other baby, they were living in different cities. After 2-3 months of phone talks, she finally got to meet him first in his town. After two weeks of bliss and "unbliss" [the bliss had slipped away when she found out about his unhealthy eating habits, his dark moods, his stinginess], she was no longer sure he was or could be the one for her "he was so different from what he said he were, from what he said over the phone" and from what she had imagined him to be. Nevertheless, she hanged on to him. Three months had passed and he still hadn't made any effort to go visit her, on the fourth month after threats and ultimatums he finally traveled the distance, only for her to discover that he had other relationships going on.
     They met via a third party, she was visiting a friend and there he was. It wasn' t love at first sight nor was it lust at first sight. They got to know each other, even lived together. In the course of their dating, they'd have countless headless arguments and each one of them would end up with her feeling a little more empty about the relationship, then followed by one break up, then a smooth reconciliation and finally marriage that ended up a year later w/ him dragging his male engine up too close inside an undesirable v-jay-jay [if you know what I mean].
     In all these stories, the female protagonists would always report either a doubt, discomfort or some type of uneasiness about their relationship but each time they would convince themselves with slogans like “nobody is perfect” or “I can make do with it” or “I’m tired of looking, I’ll just stick with this one”.
Now I realize that “it’s not good for a man [or a woman] to be alone”. And at some point in our lives, we must all [at least most of us] find the “one”, hence open a door to disappointments, deception and the like. Nevertheless, ladies, because we think more with our heart and emotions, we must guard and protect them, then ensure that we unleash them only to the one who deserves it. For that, let's start by listening to that gut feeling.

     I guess at this point, our next topic will be: How can we know he’s the “one”? Is there such a thing as “the one”?

Stay tuned, stay blessed, stay beautiful
Tresor De Beaute

Honest to God, What Would You Do?

     Has s.o ever done sthg to you or put you through such a dreadful, awful, sickly painful situation and powerful enough to shake your core beliefs?
You look at the person and you see horns on their head
You think of the person and your bowels get twisted
You recall back some of the canon moments between you and the person and you wonder if your imagination is playing tricks on your mind. Were they real or were they all playful acts to ensnare into trusting them, into letting them in and close to you?
When they prayed that God bless you, were they in fact cursing you under their breath?
When they kissed you good morning, did they wish you had died in your sleep at night?
You look at them and ask yourself "Who are they?" What happened, for them to become this monster?
Have they always been monsterish but you've been blind the whole time?
The act they committed against you stirred so much despise for them for life that you feel some shadenfreude anytime you hear about some of their misfortunes.
     Now, out of that dark place of flout, despite and contempt, you've nursed and licked your wounds til they healed, and into a place of smile, laugh, burst of joy and total happiness and then come this still small voice asking you to forgive, to really forgive. The voice's Author mirrors you in a negotiation position w/ you possessing and holding onto a little precious bag of gold, asking you to trade it against His big stash of gold. You can see the stash, a giant pile of shining preciousness and The Voice guarantees you it'll be yours if and only if you let go of your little bag. He says he'll also add to it peace, love and pure joy, he says he'll raise you up to heights you've never imagined. Meanwhile, you look at your bag, you know how hard you've worked to amass all that "fortune", to collect all pieces one by one, and now you should give it up? What do you do?
Do you just easily trust The Voice to keep his part of the bargain and give you that big pile?
Do you just easily forgive that person, the cause of your tumble?
That person who looked at you in the eyes and said I love you, you're like a sister/brother to me but yet consciously took the decision to dismantle you?
That person who offered you gift as a token of their appreciation for what you've done for them, but yet rubbing their hand with glee anticipating your downfall?
That person whom you never turned your back from for support, materially, financially, emotionally and more but yet skillfully prepared themselves to be a stumbling block for you? What do you do?
That person who never said "I'm sorry"? Honest to God, what do you do?
Whatever your answer or decision is, remember this:

"If we say that monsters [people who do terrible evil] are beyond forgiving, we give them a power they should never have...they are given the power to keep their evil alive in the hearts of those who suffered most. We give them power to condemn their victims to live forever with the hurting memory of their painful pasts. We give the monsters the last word."

Lewis B. Smedes - Forgive & Forget: Healing the Hurts We Don't Deserve
“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.” Catherine Ponder

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you."

Philip Yancey - The Unnatural Act (article, Christianity Today, April 8, 1991)

Dear Readers

Dear Readers, 
First of all, I would like to apologize to my faithful readers. I took an unprecedented, though a much needed hiatus. Lots of great things have been happening to and around me and I hope to share with you some of them throughout my upcoming posts.

I would like to start with this image [they say a picture is worth a thousand words] and a recalibration of my stands which are better expressed through this alternate version of this poem from Carol Wimmer.

 When I say that 'I am a Christian,' I am not shouting that 'I am clean living.'
I'm whispering 'I was lost, but now I'm found and forgiven.'

When I say 'I am a Christian,' I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say 'I am a Christian,' I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say 'I am a Christian,' I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say 'I am a Christian,' I'm not claiming to be perfect.
My flaws are far too visible, but God believes I am worth it.

When I say 'I am a Christian,' I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say 'I am a Christian,' I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner who received God's good grace, somehow!


Stay tuned as there is more to come.